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Hihi! Oooh!! Haha… This is from me to you:

Please Be Patient With Me

by Wilco

I should warn you
When I’m not well I can’t tell
Oh, there’s nothing I can do
To make this easier for you
You’re gonna need to be patient with me
I’m this apple, this happening stone
When I’m alone
Oh, but my blessings get so blurred
At the sound of your words
I’m gonna need you to be patient with me
How can I warn you when my tongue turns to dust
Like we’ve discussed
It doesn’t mean that I don’t care
It means I’m partially there
You’re gonna need to be patient with me

(Art by Frederic Terral titled Patience)

OH, OH, Oh My God.

Oh my Holy fucking God.

Oh my Holy Divine Saintly Jesus!

Sorry about the swearing but I can hardly breathe….. I’m almost jealous.

No lar, I’m jubilant. Ecstatic. Celebratory. Because I always salute mutual love, anyhow, anytime.

SKY AH! For something SOOO earth-shattering ground-shaking…

I MEAN, AS USUAL, I WAS SURFING AROUND BLOGS, GOSSIP-RADAR ON THE ALERT. THEN, OH, OH, OH MY GOD. SKY AH!

I quote this one guy whom I can use the adjective ‘intellectual’ on – Love is not taboo. Feelings shouldn’t be taboo. Note to self.

I wish there were more love and knowledge and truth in this world, rather than lies and deceit, ignorance, arrogance and bigotry… So the CHANGE begins with me.

That aside, all the hotties of the world, lo and behold!

… [Natalie Portman] She spends part of each year traveling on behalf of the Foundation for International Community Assistance (FINCA), a nonprofit that grants business microloans to impoverished women. An active animal rights supporter, she recently cohosted a documentary about gorillas in Rwanda and is about to launch a vegan shoe line for the New York store Té Casan, which she designed with her stylist, Kate Young. . . “I’ve been trying to watch more TV!” she says, boasting about a newly acquired addiction to Iron Chef. Even her time on the sofa, however, has a higher purpose: She explains that watching TV helps her “converse with people,” she says. “People talk about TV way more than you think.”

…

Following in Portman’s philanthropical footsteps, Johansson signed on to be an Oxfam ambassador last year; she’s already visited India and tsunami-devastated areas of Sri Lanka and is planning a trip to Africa. Days after our meeting she was set to head to Kuwait on a USO trip. “They told me I get to ride on a big naval ship!” she brags.

…

Without question, both actresses are passionate about their beliefs. When they really get going on an issue, it can be a little like watching a Hot Topics segment of The View. “I’m into monogamy,” says Portman. “But I’m not really into marriage right now. I sort of hate the legal aspect of it. What does the state have to do with it? Why are they making rules that say my lover can stay in the United States if they’re foreign or share my health care benefits because I’m straight”—here her eyes flash with horror—“but if you’re gay, you can’t have that?”

“It’s so archaic,” Johansson agrees. “It’s just, like, bizarre to me. I feel like in 10 or 15 years’ time our children are going to look back and say, ‘What? You were around when gay people weren’t allowed to get married?’”

Natalie Portman is simply… BEYOND WORDS.

AARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Into The Wild

I’ll keep this short and sweet.

So, I just watched Into The Wild.

So, I cried like the kid I thought I no longer was.

So, the whole world is scared like shit about tomorrow.

So, tomorrow will be the big day, supposedly, dawn of a brand new era never before seen or end of the world, total and complete, as we know it.

So, I’ve led a wonderful life.

So, I had the best childhood ever back in China.

So, I flew to Singapore, with bright hopes.

So, I grew up here.

So, I learnt that life is full of lies.

So, I learnt that some things are fairytales.

So, I had a sad realization that the one thing that I’ve always wanted, most of all, will never be mine.

So, I grew up like everyone else.

So, I built a fortress around myself.

So, I had my moment of rapture when I first saw this smile.

So, I figured things out, little by little, exploring, on my own.

So, I love to go out.

So, I love my friends, my life.

So, I AM a bright and hopeful kid who’s always positive, really.

So, I looked for ways to make my life meaningful.

So, I searched for the core of my existence.

So, I grew passionate about Economics and Philosophy.

So, I want nothing but the Truth.

So, I spilled everything.

So, I decided to let go for once.

So, I tore down my defenses and risked it – All or nothing.

So, I did everything that I could.

So, I still wish I could have done more.

So, I AM a bright and STILL hopeful, and aspiring Intellectual in the making, really.

So, I do dream of being an Investment Banker in New York City too, just fly the world over with an angel.

So, I could use my money to buy these ancient cottages with naught from urbanization, but plenty of history and romance in Shangri-la, in Cotswolds, run them, manage them like my bit of paradise here on Earth, a resting place of serenity for our souls to find peace.

So, I could farm on those golden meadows that belonged to my grandparents, make harvest, chase after the swallows in the fields, like I did when I was young.

So, I could have a career in the banking and finance industry.

So, I could go on to become an Economist and then be crowned an Intellectual from there.

So, I gave my all.

So, I held on when no one else would.

So, I was so patient, despite myself.

So, I forgot about my anger, my cynicism, my worries, I forgot about the world entire, remembering only happiness and completion, when I was next to where I want to be, most of all.

So, I learnt once again, that you can never run away from the real world – That life is full of lies.

So, I could see it coming all along.

So, I just wanted to live in my perfect world, my peace center, a little longer, until it would be forever.

So, I just don’t buy any of the shit that I’ve been told.

So, I am aware that I am nothing but stardust, I am nothing, nothing at all.

So, I still don’t get why people shit each other so often.

So, I am right back where I started, just infinitely smarter and wiser.

So, I have been through enough to know that I do have a good, wonderful, amazing life to live, no matter what.

So, I look at people who let themselves be trapped in unhappy circumstances, driven by fear, motivated by uncertainty, not daring to be themselves, not courageous enough to go against the world, to live their dreams, to be far and away from the mundane, to lack self-knowledge, and then I realized we belong to different solar systems.

So, I just thought that if I worked hard enough, I can bridge this impossible gap.

So, I just thought that if we make that leap of faith, everything will come together and be perfect.

So, I have led a wonderful life, I love my life, my family, my friends.

So, I could be an Investment Banker, an Economist, a World Intellectual. I could start my own little family. I could live like everyone else.

So, life is full of lies.

So, it’s my fault that I was so naive. Dumb. Stupid.

Maybe only time will tell who is REALLY dumber. I am sure of that.

So, I have been struck at the core of my existence, the reason of my being, twice. First by my very own flesh and blood. Second by someone I don’t even recognize anymore. All through faults of my own.

And I will go on strong.

Continue my search, my journey, my expedition. Go on MY adventure.

This life is MY game.

So, tomorrow will be the big day.

So, I will salute Christopher McCandless.

So, you don’t have half an idea, what soulmates are.

And I was wrong to stoop so low, to be deceived, through my own naivety and gullibility.

So, I have my perfect life ahead of me.

And pretty soon, MY ultimate adventure will happen.

“Two years he walks the earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, ’cause ‘the west is the best.’ And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual revolution. 10 days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the great white north. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild.”

You couldn’t be more right when you said that you can’t find anyone like me, ever again.

Thank the Lord and may God bless all.

Of Lies And Deception

I can handle the truth, can you?

I can take on anything, can you?

I will do whatever it takes to make me happy, will you?

I will do whatever it takes to achieve my dreams, will you?

I know what I want, do you?

I can imagine the future, can you?

So what’s up with the lies, the weaknesses, the random bouts of emotional outbursts? If these don’t mean nothing at all, what are we doing here?

If they can happen to anyone, if those times are not special, if those moments amount to nothing, then tell me really, what is -that four letter word-? Define it for me. Its prerequisites even.

… But do we have to be so scientific?

Can we make any sense out of it? If any?

Blah blah.

I really have no need for so much bullshit in my life, seriously. But still, I’m like, it’s worth it. It’s worth it because I say it is. I insist it is. I am so fucking determined and persistent when I want to, in spite of myself.

And THANKS for the lies and deception. I mean, they make me grow up. Better. Stronger. Faster. It will be an invaluable lesson.

Blah blah……..

The Reason Project

To do my part to spread the things that I believe should exist in abundance…

I made the sudden decision to SPONSOR A CHILD.

Why? It’s simple. I find myself dwindling my money away on whatever things, I don’t know where they’re gone to, so they were probably not used for any meaningful purposes or whatsoever… So I decided to sponsor a child. A one-time donation annually, to send a child to school. To receive an education. To open a world of opportunities to someone whose RIGHT was violated due to all the shit going on around in this world. It’s the least I can do right now. I mean, I believe in things like Liberty, Love, Reason, and etc. And I believe that we should act on our beliefs as well. So this is my first step.

Can anyone ever argue against the fact that more love, more education, more opportunities made available, will always make the world a better place?

It was quite an annoying task, because I DO NOT for a second wish to help someone, in order to SPREAD the LOVE of God. Oh my Holy Jesus. I do not wish to spread a goodwill along with indoctrination and faith. I do not wish to heal the human condition and then divide and corrupt it. Alright, that’s in MY OWN terms.

I’m definitely looking forward to it. Waiting to hear about how I’m gonna send a cheque over, and stuff. And I’m really pinning on, finding the time to head down and volunteer at the site myself, too. The most amazing thing about this entire affair is how everything so fits my principles perfectly. Secular. Check. 100 percent of the money goes to the family. Check. Sustainable development. Check. And they even have some sort of a MICROBUSINESS in operation. Now that’s what I’m REALLY looking into. Microfinance. Microcredit. Turning the conventional banking system upside down.

But that’s looking at the long term aspect of it,

and in the EVEN LONGER TERM, I just joined the mailing list for THE REASON PROJECT. Kick-started by Sam Harris and his fiancee. They have the likes of Richard Dawkins, Dennis Dennett, Rebecca Goldstein, Christopher Hitchens, Ian McEwan, Salman Rushdie, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Steven Pinker, and Steven Weinberg on its advisory board. ALL BIG NAMES to me. ALL PEOPLE I LOOK UP TO. ALL INTELLECTUALS. You can consider them my SEX SYMBOLS even. ^.^

Sincerely,

the discovery of knowledge, the delight of Truth, is orgasmic.

The Reason Project will soon be a 501(c)(3) charitable foundation devoted to spreading scientific knowledge and secular values in society. The Reason Project will draw on the talents of prominent and creative thinkers in a wide range of disciplines — science, law, literature, film, journalism, information technology, etc. — to encourage critical thinking and wise public policy. It will convene conferences, produce films, sponsor scientific research and opinion polls, award grants to other non-profit organizations, and offer material support to religious dissidents and public intellectuals — all with the purpose of eroding the influence of dogmatism, superstition, and bigotry in our world.

Richard Dawkins is the Charles Simonyi Professor of the Public Understanding of Science at Oxford University. He was voted Britain’s leading public intellectual by readers of Prospect magazine and was named one of Time Magazine’s “100 Most Influential People” for 2007. Among his books are The Selfish Gene, The Blind Watchmaker, Climbing Mount Improbable, Unweaving the Rainbow, A Devil’s Chaplain, The Ancestor’s Tale, and the New York Times best seller The God Delusion.

Daniel C. Dennett is the Austin B. Fletcher Professor of Philosophy, and Co-Director of the Center for Cognitive Studies at Tufts University. He is the author of Breaking the Spell, Freedom Evolves, Darwin’s Dangerous Idea, Consciousness Explained, and many other books. He has received two Guggenheim Fellowships, a Fulbright Fellowship, and a Fellowship at the Center for Advanced Studies in Behavioral Science. He was elected to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences in 1987.

Rebecca Goldstein is a philosopher and novelist. She is the author of eight books, including, The Mind-Body Problem, Properties of Light, Incompleteness: The Proof and Paradox of Kurt Gödel, and Betraying Spinoza. In 1996 Goldstein received a MacArthur Fellowship (popularly known as the “Genius Award”). In 2005 she was elected to The American Academy of Arts and Sciences. In 2006 she received a Guggenheim Fellowship and a Radcliffe Fellowship. Goldstein holds a Ph.D. in philosophy from Princeton University.

Ayaan Hirsi Ali was named one of Time magazine’s “100 Most Influential People” and Reader’s Digest’s European of the Year for 2005. She is the author of The Caged Virgin and the New York Times best selling memoir Infidel. Ms. Hirsi Ali was born in Mogadishu, Somalia where she escaped an arranged marriage by immigrating to the Netherlands in 1992. She later served as a member of the Dutch parliament from 2003 to 2006. In 2004, together with director Theo van Gogh, she made Submission, a film about the oppression of women in conservative Islamic cultures. The airing of the film on Dutch television resulted in the assassination of van Gogh by an Islamic extremist. Ms. Hirsi Ali continues to speak and write about the importance of freedom of speech, the need to reform Islam, and the rights of women.

Christopher Hitchens is an author, journalist, and literary critic. He regularly writes for Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, The Nation, Slate, The New York Times Book Review, Free Inquiry, and a variety of other journals. He is the author of the #1 New York Times best seller God is Not Great (a finalist for the 2007 National Book Award). He has also written Why Orwell Matters, Letter to a Young Contrarian, The Trial of Henry Kissinger, and many other books. In 2005 Mr. Hitchens was named one of the world’s Top 100 Public Intellectuals by Foreign Policy and Prospect magazines.

Ian McEwan is a writer of worldwide critical acclaim. He won the Somerset Maugham Award in 1976 for his first collection of short stories First Love, Last Rites; the Whitbread Novel Award (1987) and the Prix Fémina Etranger (1993) for The Child in Time; and Germany’s Shakespeare Prize in 1999. He has been shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize for Fiction numerous times, winning the award for Amsterdam in 1998. His novel Atonement received the WH Smith Literary Award (2002), National Book Critics’ Circle Fiction Award (2003), Los Angeles Times Prize for Fiction (2003), and the Santiago Prize for the European Novel (2004). He was awarded a CBE in 2000. In 2006, he won the James Tait Black Memorial Prize for his novel Saturday.

Steven Pinker is the Johnstone Family Professor in the Department of Psychology at Harvard University. Until 2003, he taught in the Department of Brain and Cognitive Sciences at MIT. He conducts research on language and cognition, writes for publications such as the New York Times, Time, and Slate, and is the author of seven books, including The Language Instinct, How the Mind Works, Words and Rules, The Blank Slate, and The Stuff of Thought: Language as a Window into Human Nature. Mr. Pinker was named one of Time magazine’s “100 Most Influential People” in 2004.

Salman Rushdie won the Booker Prize for Fiction for his second novel, Midnight’s Children. In 1993 the book was judged to have been the ‘Booker of Bookers’, the best novel to have won the Booker Prize for Fiction in the award’s 25-year history. Rushdie’s third novel, Shame (1983) won the Prix du Meilleur Livre Etranger and was shortlisted for the Booker Prize as well. The publication in 1988 of his fourth novel, The Satanic Verses, lead to accusations of blasphemy against Islam and demonstrations by Islamist groups in India and Pakistan. The orthodox Iranian leadership issued a fatwa against Rushdie on 14 February 1989, and he was forced into hiding under the protection of the British government and police. The Satanic Verses won the Whitbread Novel Award in 1988. Mr. Rushdie is the author of many novels and works of criticism. He is Honorary Professor in the Humanities at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), and Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature. He has received numerous awards and eight honorary doctorates. He was elected to the Board of American PEN in 2002.

Steven Weinberg holds the Josey Regental Chair in Science at the University of Texas at Austin, where he is a member of the Physics and Astronomy Departments. His research on elementary particles and cosmology has been honored with numerous prizes and awards, including in 1979 the Nobel Prize in Physics and in 1991 the National Medal of Science. In 2004 he received the Benjamin Franklin Medal of the American Philosophical Society, with a citation that said he is “considered by many to be the preeminent theoretical physicist alive in the world today.” He has been elected to the US National Academy of Sciences and Britain’s Royal Society, as well as to the American Philosophical Society and the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. He is the author of over 300 articles on elementary particle physics. His books include The First Three Minutes (1977); The Discovery of Subatomic Particles (1983, 2003); Elementary Particles and The Laws of Physics (with R.P. Feynman) (1987); Dreams of a Final Theory—The Search for the Fundamental Laws of Nature (1993); a trilogy, The Quantum Theory of Fields (1995, 1996, 2000); Facing Up — Science and its Cultural Adversaries (2002); and most recently Glory and Terror—The Growing Nuclear Danger (2004). Articles of his on various subjects appear from time to time in The New York Review of Books. He has served as consultant at the U.S. Arms Control and Disarmament Agency, the JASON group of defense consultants, and many other boards and committees.

I’M SO GONNA PARTY WITH MY INTELLECT, WITH MY ONE AND ONLY PASSAGE THROUGH EARTH, IN THIS LIFETIME.

So, back to short-term, I really don’t think I’m ready to commit full-blown, 4 years full-time, in University, yet. I need to see more of this world, experience more, so that by the time I really enter the University, one or two years later, I’ll know what I’ll be toiling for. Those 4 years of my time will then be worthwhile. I don’t wanna mug mug mug, get a degree, then go 9-to-5, just like everyone else.

I want a meaning much deeper and richer than that.

Rather than 9-to-5, rather than starting families to pass my genes on, rather than being just another human, rather than letting other people tell me what to do, I choose to be no one else, but me.

Do you believe in music the way you believe in fairytales?

I certainly do.

So, uh, watching August Rush at 12 am is, in one word, magical.

It’s fantastic isn’t it, the way certain things, like music, like love, slits right through the fabrics of this pain-in-the-ass reality, cutting right into the very depths of your soul. Places you never thought existed, places waiting to be comforted.

Things like music, they can move souls. An oasis of hope and all sorts of wonderful things in this crazy, maddening, fucked-up dream we find ourselves trapped in. An outlet for our deepest desires and wishes. It’s like he said, music is everywhere, it’s all around us. All we have to do is listen.

Amidst the white noise littering around, we need to find the peace and the resolution to discover the beautiful. Otherwise we’d just drown in desperation and hopelessness.

So, we should all try being tourists in our own country.

It’s a remarkable experience. Walking around familiar places, going home to somewhere new. Going home to the only place in Singapore where they still have this manual, man-pull kind of lifts. Amazing is not enough to describe any of these.

I certainly am planning more escapades like this, I’m God Damn sure of it. And beyond this, one day I’ll make my plans overseas too. Just go into the wild, into life, into a discovery of yourself. Far from the urban hustle and rustle.

I’m definitely a social animal who enjoys human company and contact.

But apart from that, there’s this part of me, a part that I uphold as sacred and divine, that no one can enter into. Not if they knew me forever. Not if they were family. Not if I’d do anything for them. Blah blah. Only if… Now that’s up to me to decide.

So today is the first day of my newfound freedom, woo-hoo!

溫柔

An all-time classic.

SERIOUSLY.

走在風中　今天陽光　突然好溫柔

天的溫柔　地的溫柔　像你抱著我

然後發現　你的改變　孤單的今後

如果冷　該怎麼渡過

天邊風光　身邊的我　都不在你眼中

你的眼中　藏著什麼　我從來都不懂

沒有關係　你的世界　就讓你擁有

不打擾　是我的溫柔

不知道不明瞭　不想要為什麼　我的心

明明是想靠近　卻孤單的黎明

不知道不明瞭　不想要為什麼　我的心

那愛情的綺麗　總是在孤單裡

再把我的最好的愛給你

不知不覺　不情不願　又到巷子口

我沒有哭　也沒有笑　因為這是夢

沒有預兆　沒有理由　你真的有說過

如果有　就讓你自由

這是我的溫柔

I really, really, hate it when people SAY more than what they mean.

Fact is, fact is,

who gives a damn about Investment Banking, really?

But if you can’t have your desired life’s meaning, I guess we can only pretend, we can only program ourselves into being this driven, self-motivated high achiever with ever growing ambitions and ever expanding appetite for change and travel to feed the gnawing emptiness. What do I care about the rest of the world if it means nothing at all, to me, absolutely, when I can’t be where I want to be?

Blah blah.

It’s so so so incredibly sad, hopelessly ironic, irredeemably tragic being a Homo Sapien.

家

I don’t know why, but this is one song that can always make me turn on my virtually non-existent water-tap whenever I’m in the… Sad mood.

煮一杯热咖啡
喝一些 固执的以为

我们一直到最后才学会
哭泣时候谁安慰
而成长让人觉得累
却已没有办法后退

啊咿啊~转眼之间已经长大
啊咿啊~梦与现实的落差
啊咿啊~我们还有什么剩下

回家吧 声音沙哑
只是想找人说说话
所以呀 别让牵挂
变成一种孤单害怕

我们一直到最后才学会
哭泣时候谁安慰
而成长让人觉得累
却已没有办法后退

啊咿啊~转眼之间已经长大
啊咿啊~开始跟理想磨擦
啊咿啊~我们好笑的在挣扎

雨在下家乡竹篱笆

南下的风轻轻刮

告别了繁华将行李卸下

我们回家~

You know how it’s like some people spend their entire lives moving on from one thing to the next, because they’re afraid that if they stay, they will still lose whatever they have and cherish anyways. So they make the decision long long ago to not to even start to grow on things, no matter how much they want things to grow on them. Or people, for that matter.

I think all nomads wander around just because… They really wanna go home.

And it saddens me incredibly, how tragic it is, that one is not supposed to hold on to the one thing that makes life in this world bearable and beautiful, that makes one want to be a better person and all… Simply because, simply because, it’s so much easier to hate than to love.

Sometimes you have to let go of what you can’t live without.

Why should I do that? Why should you do that? Why should WE expect anyone to do that?

When I think back on my own life, at this moment, I mock myself.

All along, I DO know what it is that I really, really, really want all along. But I know… And I’ve thought about it both rationally and emotionally, it’s simply something I can never have. Perhaps that explains why I live life so haphazardly. I do not see the… Big deal in it.

It sucks being a hopelessly stubborn soul and not being able to do anything about it… In fact, not WANTING to do anything about it if you could help it.

When I look at how far I’ve come, I can see a tragic irony.

Whenever I picture what I want that I’ll never have, and whenever I remember the smile that I’ll never erase, it breaks me.

I tell myself to be logical and rational, and to be above feelings and emotions… But it just breaks me. But I can’t be broken. I mean, I can be broken. But life goes on.

It’s like everything can be so damn perfect,

but they simply won’t be. Simply because, simply because, the world is just unfair. It’s just fair by being unfair to everyone.

Isn’t it such a big deal if you’ve found what billions of souls spend their entire lives searching for? Isn’t it such a big deal if the world is made perfect to you, life is rendered meaningful, you are at one with the harmony of the universe, you want to be better…? Why would anyone want to take this away?

Why would anyone BEAR to take this away?

And why is anyone giving up, without a fight???

Why am I supposed to swallow all these SHIT????????

YAHOO!

I love Maroon 5.

Would love to go to their concert… FOR FREE. LOL!

Sigh… I love looking at myself in photos. I heart photo-taking. SIGHHH.

I polluted informed her mind with sex education.

She taught me how to utter vulgarities matter-of-factly.