My Mind
Wow, great great great.
One thing I could never understand: Are Blacks/ the Chinese in Malaysia, say for example and etc… Basically, are people discriminated against supposed to feel bad about themselves for being discriminated in the first place?
Doesn’t the act of discrimination itself speaks VOLUMES about its perpetrators… That they are self-high, arrogant, stupid, condescending asses and bitches who do not even understand the basic truth of the human condition: That all men are equal?
And who would be dumber than them to be afraid of these people?
Beats me.
Angry angry.
It never fails to beat me how people can live their lives motivated by fear. Fear of being looked down upon. Fear of being not normal enough. Fear of not fitting in.
It never fails to beat me how people can live their lives motivated by hatred, suspicion and distrust. Hatred of the unfamiliar. Suspicion of the strange. Distrust of the queer. All these negativities have their roots in ignorance… I wonder why people can live with being ignorant.
Mix ignorance and fear together, and you have organized religion at its most fantastical extreme. And the funniest point at this juncture is that, ZEALOTS WILL NOT EVEN BE AFRAID OF DEATH AT THIS JUNCTURE. Oh. My. God. If there’s anything I fear in this world with my mind, body and soul… Just using language metaphorically here… It’ll be death. Because death means that’s it, no nothing, just non-existence, total complete banishment of possibilities.
I could have been that 30 year old, smart-looking, high-flying Investment Banker with a leather suitcase and the latest laptop, drinking a cup of Starbucks, my PDA phone buzzing in my pants pocket, wearing my usual grin… As I’m on my way to meet the CEO of this multi-national company with major operations across all continents in the morning. And in the afternoon I’ll be en route to the developing markets of Africa. And so on… I could be flying around the clock.
I could be having a holiday touring around the continent of Europe, free and easy, taking trains, looking at all those hunks and hot babes, speaking English, photographing away like a blardee tourist, drinking wine near the Thames, checking the time on Big Ben, with the latest bag from LV I purchased in Paris…
There’s always THE probability. But once you’ve got death, you’ve got nothing else but death. THE WORLD WILL BE SO MUCH BETTER IF EVERYONE BELIEVES THAT DEATH IS THE WORST THING ON EARTH. IT WOULD MAKE US LIVE OUR LIVES SO MUCH HARDER.
Ok ok. So once again. What can I say. I am so anti these things. Irrational fear. Ignorance. Distrust. Blah blah. It’s just me. I just don’t see how or why I should live with fear, hatred, suspicion and distrust.
Sam Harris said that the best form of happiness is the social form of happiness, when we realized that we can be selfish together. Dennis Dennett said that he believes that there is nothing more important than what people love. I second the intellectuals. Like, seriously, there’s a reason why they’re called Intellectuals with a capital I and I fucking aspire to BE LIKE THEM.
To be at the forefront of thought, that kind of thing.
Because there HAS to be people challenging the norms we took for granted, there has to be people expanding the frontiers. That’s how civil rights are won. If we ever think that it’s perfectly alright to live with unhappy circumstances… Just think about all the battles that’s been battled for there to be universal suffrage, woman in the workplace, and etc.
It beats me.
Well, looking on the brighter side of things, staying positive, as always… At least I get to save up a lot of money, hehs. For my so-gonna-happen trip back home.
Oh, and words are that A’ Levels will be out this Friday…
You know what, people say that perhaps we should not expect too much in life, we should be happy with what we’ve got. But I say no, because I know that I have the courage enough to be different, to go to the extreme, to go my own way, to let no one else judge my life for me but myself. I just lack the… Discipline to follow. Rawrrr.
A’ Levels is so going to suck.
I hate that.
I hate that.
I hate that.
I hate that I cannot fucking turn back time and make things right, juggle things better, grew up faster, be more mature about it all.
I hate that at the end of it all, I’ll still be left with nothing.
Pathetically or luckily, nothing in terms of possession or company, except for wisps of memories that means nothing. Nothing at all. Because memories will always just be memories. Memories are pathetic.
I mean,
remembering is only for the people who cannot be with the persons that they wanna be with.
Once again, I made perfect sense.
Perfect sense is what I make.
They say you can fake it till it make it. And so, I tend to spend most of my life faking to be happy, mature, thoughtful, like I know everything, I am blardee sure of everything. Simply because, I cannot bear to face the confusion inside.
If I have to search deep into my soul and look at how hopeless I feel,
I am afraid that I may lose the courage to live.
On the one hand, there’s all this shit going on.
On the other hand, I keep telling myself: I’m in Singapore. I have a chance to receive an education. I am fed, I have a roof over my head, etc. What RIGHT do I have to complain about life? I am almost obliged to be feeling fucking great all the time, because all I have to do is to count my blessings and there’s no reason for me to complain.
But how do you escape from yourself? How do you deal with a taboo that is NOT even supposed to be a taboo?
Because if it IS, then there will be no hope, no meaning, no point, no purpose in this world.
I can rationalize as much as I can, but there’s no changing the fact that I am only human, such that feelings and emotions overwhelm me sometimes.
Like, whatever.
I’m just going to switch on the analytical, systematic, simply emotion-less part of me brain. And deal with it.
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